I remember when looking into Childbirth Education Classes with my first child and asking this very question. After all, my partner would be there with me and I was planning on birthing in a hospital. I would be well taken care of I thought. One of the local classes I was looking into was run by a Doula, and I instinctively chose this for my education. The course was run over several weeks, which allowed for me to digest the information. I could come back with questions and have them answered, I thought. The fact that it was run by a Doula, someone who was not a medical professional, but who understood birth and cared about choice and birth experience was important to me. It seemed a better fit for me than what was on offer for free at the hospital. I bookmarked the site and waited to discuss with my partner later.
I had heard all about Doula’s in my early twenties, somewhere between university and figuring out who I was. I had been working with local Community Centres creating activities and supports for at risk youth and volunteering at a women centred health clinic teaching about birth control, and confirming positive pregnancy tests. It’s in this environment I first heard of Doula Support, I attended the birth of a family friend, and my education began and ended there. There was no training anywhere that I could tell at that point. This was pre internet. People still looked at billboards for dates, concerts,meet ups… their people. They went to information sessions and used landlines to gather information. My Doula career fantasy ended almost as quickly as it had started. Fickle as I was tenderly young, I lived a different life until I began having children. If I was not to be a Doula, a Doula I would have at my birth.
When my partner got home and I told him that I thought we should get a Doula, I think he was a little offended. In his mind, why would I need a Doula he was going to be there, what could they do that he couldn’t? Oh, and the cost, he said. We can’t afford that. You don’t need it.
If I was unsure before, his reaction bubbled up a loneliness inside me, that quickly morphed into affirmation. It asserted what I already knew. Above all other reasons, I was giving birth to this baby, and I wanted the support of someone who understood birth to be there and to guide me. We were getting one, I thought, one way or another.
Intuitively I knew I needed one, but was stuck between supporting my partner’s place in the birth room and my needs for the birth I was growing to know what I wanted. I wasn’t worried about the money, I knew I could ask for gift certificates towards the support. I knew I wanted an unmedicated birth, and I knew that we were far from family. None of our mutual friends had babies yet. No matter how the birth went, I wanted wisdom beside me.
Our Doula was knowing, calm, and supportive to our “plan”. She was warm, and quirky. Her laugh made me feel like a family member. She had a knowing and quiet about her that laid deep strong roots under us. She affirmed and validated us. She helped create my birthing nest with her presence.
My birth was long, long, long. She was with us through all 18 hours at the hospital, after being at home for 12. I projected all the things I needed from her on her, and so she was: mother, teacher, servant, gatekeeper, google, hand holder, back rubber, hip squeezer and brow wiper. She held my partner, with her words and kindness. She took charge when I started transitioning and began to panic, reminding me that my body and my baby were safe and I was doing great work. She explained the procedures they were offering me and what the pros and cons were. In cycles she continued by my side wiping my brow, and rubbed my back, giving ice or heat or running the shower, she nurtured my partner some more, and sat vigil at the foot of my bed, tired as us…but still rising with every wave with me. Her presence in the room helped the birth I had, happen.
My partner could not talk enough about the benefits of having a Doula through the entire process. At one time a skeptic, he was now a doula promoting flag waver.
For me, I had found the wisdom that I was looking for. Only I realized that it all laid within me and the birth. It didn’t come from outside like I thought. My Doula had helped to create a masterful outline of what that was, with her knowledge, and her support. With love, respect, non judgement, and information I was able to make decisions confidently and without pressure, simply by following my own intuition.
Six years later after the birth of my twins a seed was planted by my postpartum doula, “Have you ever thought of doing this work yourself?”…”Yes….I had, many moons ago!” This little nudge and the positive and challenging experiences I had in my birthing experiences have led me here with you now. So when someone asks me, “Do I really need a Doula?”, I certainly come from a different perspective. I can’t tell you what you need, but I can tell you that there are many benefits, and will even go as far as saying, you won’t regret the support, the information or guidance :)